If your kids are sharing your bed at night, you are not alone! Some families prefer the family bed, which can be a good option as long as safety precautions are followed, everyone is happy with the arrangement, and everyone is sleeping well. Many parents, though, allow kids into their own bed at night because they don’t know what else to do – or perhaps you’ve enjoyed the family bed up till now, but one or more family members are no longer sleeping peacefully. If this sounds like you, read on.

Children who have been sharing a bed with parents for more than a month will need a slow, gradual transition to their own bed to avoid unnecessary stress and trauma for the whole family. If you create a careful plan – and stay consistent with your plan as you help your child adjust to the changes – kids can sleep well in their own beds in as little as a few nights or a week; some children may take several weeks to transition completely. We outline our methods for helping kids sleep in their own beds – or sleep well in yours – in our book, The Sleepeasy Solution.

Please don’t begin this transition if your child is already dealing with another major life change (such as potty training, adjusting to a new sibling, or starting school). Also, we recommend that children under age 3 sleep in a crib, as kids under 3 usually don’t have the maturity to be able to stay in a bed (or feel safe there) by themselves.

Once you’ve created a plan for how you’ll support your child while they learn to sleep in their own bed, you can use the following tips to help make the transition as smooth as possible.

1. Make your child’s room a fun place to be. Let them pick out some fun new sheets for their bed; add personal touches (such as family photos or their framed art on the walls); bring their favorite toys in and play in here lots during the day, so they feel relaxed, safe, and happy in the space.
   
   
2. Help them feel safe and sound. Put a nightlight in your child’s room to help them feel comfortable in the dark. For children who can’t tell time, a nightlight that offers a visual cue for wakeup time in the morning is a good idea (see below for resources). Use a sound machine (or an appliance that makes a soft hum) to protect against external noises – such as a sibling across the hall or a neighbor’s barking dog – that could disrupt your child’s sleep.
   
   
3. Offer a sleep buddy. Give your child a special Mommy Bear or Daddy Bear (which you can accessorize with Daddy’s boxer shorts or Mommy’s T-shirt!) that they can begin sleeping with even before you make the transition. Have the bear (or other animal) help make dinner with you, help give your child a bath, and snuggle with you and your child while you read stories together at night. When you tuck your child into their own bed say, “I’m going to give Mommy Bear lots of hugs and kisses – so if you need a hug or kiss from Mommy in the night, hug your Mommy Bear!
   
   
4. Create a calming, predictable wind-down routine. After a bath (if you have one at night), enjoy a calming wind-down routine, in your child’s room, at least 20 minutes before bed. Do things in the same order every night - example: Put on PJ’s, drink milk and read stories, sing a song. Avoid TV or video just before bed, which will only stimulate your child.
   
   
5. Make a personalized book to explain changes with sleep. Make a simple, stick-figure book for your child that explains the changes you will be making with sleep. Explain why sleep is important for their body, and walk them through the nighttime routine they will now enjoy with you in their own room. Explain what will happen if they get out of bed (for example, you will help them back to their own bed – but that you won’t lie down together anymore). Read this book every night during the wind-down routine as you are making changes with your child’s sleep.
   
   
6. Use a “treasure chest” as an extra incentive for staying in bed. Fill a “treasure chest” or “magic toy box” (you can use a decorated cardboard box) with small treats for your child – simple toys, or slips of paper such as “Make cookies with Mommy” or “Ride bikes with Daddy.” Explain (before bed) that your child can choose a treat in the morning if they stay in their bed all night. Don’t offer your child the treat if they did not stay in bed, as this will undermine your progress.

Every family’s situation is a little different, and many families prefer to have our assistance in creating a customized, personalized sleep plan, either by phone or in person. We are happy to help! For more information about our services, please email us at sleep@sleepyplanet.com.