If your kids are sharing your bed at night, you are not alone! Some families prefer the family bed, which can be a good option as long as safety precautions are followed, everyone is happy with the arrangement, and everyone is sleeping well. Many parents, though, allow kids into their own bed when they wake at night because they don’t know what else to do – or perhaps you’ve enjoyed the family bed up till now, but one or more family members are no longer sleeping peacefully. If this sounds like you, read on.

Children who have been sharing a bed with parents for more than a month will need a slow, gradual transition to their own bed to avoid unnecessary stress and trauma for the whole family. If you plan well – and stay consistent with your plan as you help your child adjust to the changes – kids can sleep well in their own beds in as little as a few nights or a week; some children may take several weeks to transition completely. We outline our methods for helping kids sleep in their own beds – or sleep well in yours – in our book, The Sleepeasy Solution.

Please don’t begin this transition if your child is already dealing with another major life change (such as potty training, adjusting to a new sibling, or starting school). Also, we recommend that children under age 3 sleep in a crib, as kids under 3 usually don’t have the maturity to be able to stay in a bed (or feel safe there) by themselves.

If your child has been sharing a bed with you and you would like to begin the transition to his or her own bed, follow these steps:

1. Make your child’s room a fun place to be. Let them pick out some fun new sheets for their bed; add personal touches (such as family photos or their framed art on the walls); bring their favorite toys in and play in here lots during the day, so they feel relaxed, safe, and happy in the space.
   
   
2. Help them feel safe and sound. Put a nightlight in your child’s room to help them feel comfortable in the dark. For children who can’t tell time, a nightlight that offers a visual cue for wakeup time in the morning is a good idea (see below for resources). Use a sound machine (or an appliance that makes a soft hum) to protect against external noises – such as a sibling across the hall or a neighbor’s barking dog – that could disrupt your child’s sleep.
   
   
3. Offer a sleep buddy. Give your child a special Mommy Bear or Daddy Bear (which you can accessorize with Daddy’s boxer shorts or Mommy’s T-shirt!) that they can begin sleeping with even before you make the transition. Have the bear (or other animal) help make dinner with you, help give your child a bath, and snuggle with you and your child while you read stories together at night. When you tuck your child into their own bed say, “I’m going to give Mommy Bear lots of hugs and kisses – so if you need a hug or kiss from Mommy in the night, hug your Mommy Bear!
   
   
4. Have a “sleepover party.” Set up a bed on your child’s floor and tell your child that you will have a “sleepover party” with them in their room for a few nights to help them feel safe and snug in their bed. (Yes, you will sleep in your child’s room all night – temporarily!)
   
   
5. Create a calming, predictable wind-down routine. After a bath (if you have one at night), enjoy a calming wind-down routine, in your child’s room, at least 20 minutes before bed. Do things in the same order every night - example: Put on PJ’s, drink milk and read stories, sing a song. Avoid TV or video just before bed, which will only stimulate your child.
   
   
6. Make a personalized book to explain changes with sleep. Make a simple, stick-figure book for your child that explains the changes you will be making with sleep. Explain why sleep is important for their body, and walk them through the nighttime routine they will now enjoy with you in their own room. Explain that if they get out of bed, you will help them back to their own bed – but that you won’t lie down together anymore. Read this book every night during the wind-down routine as you are making changes with your child’s sleep.
   
   
7. Help your child back to their own bed, as often as necessary. If your child gets out of bed after lights out, remind him or her that you will help them back to their own bed, but that you will sleep in your bed right next to them. Return your child back to their own bed repeatedly as they may try to get up and come snuggle with you – this may happen LOTS the first couple of nights! Try not to talk or engage with your child as they continue to get out bed, which will only encourage them to stay awake.
   
   
8. Gradually wean yourself out of the room. As soon as your child begins to sleep through the night in their own bed (usually just a few nights if you are consistent in not talking when they get out of bed), begin to inch your bed closer to your child’s door over several nights; then move into the hallway, but still within eyesight; then move around the corner. Continue to return your child to their own bed should they get out of bed at any stage. Once you are in the hallway, they should be sleeping well in their own bed.
   
   
9. Use a safety gate for children who need extra help. Consider installing a safety gate at your child’s door if they are still having trouble staying in bed without you in the room (extra-tall, hardware-mounted gates with vertical slats are best, so a child cannot climb). This can help a child feel safely contained in their room – but should not be used as punishment. Tell your child, “If you stay in bed, we can leave the gate open. But if you get out of bed, I’ll need to close the gate to help you stay safe in your room!”
   
   
10. Use a “treasure chest” as an extra incentive for staying in bed. Fill a “treasure chest” or “magic toy box” (you can use a decorated cardboard box) with small treats for your child – simple toys, or slips of paper such as “Make cookies with Mommy” or “Ride bikes with Daddy.” Explain (before bed) that your child can choose a treat in the morning if they stay in their bed all night. Don’t offer your child the treat if they did not stay in bed, as this will undermine your progress.
    

Every family’s situation is a little different, and though the above methods will work well for most, they may need to be modified for some. We are happy to talk with you about your individual situation and how we may be able to help. Please email us at sleep@sleepyplanet.com for more information about our services.